I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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