Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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