Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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