Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
