I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
