You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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