He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
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Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
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