I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
