did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
