You smell like stripper and shame
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
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