This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
