y did u give ur computer a hand job?
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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