I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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