I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Drunk is a universal language darling
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
