I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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