You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
