My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
