Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
