When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
