CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
