Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
