you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
