Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
