would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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