So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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