Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
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