Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
