i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Randomize
