And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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