Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
