with your own penis?
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
