Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
