Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
