Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
