Having a random hookup so left but love u
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
