i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Randomize
