hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
this boner is exhausting
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
