would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
