Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
