woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
