Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
4 words: hood of his car
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
