Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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