I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
