my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
