Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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