Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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