so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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