another moral hangover. fuck.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
