Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
