If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Randomize
