hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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