is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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