omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
