i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
