I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
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Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
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You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
How naked do you want me to be?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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