was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
