DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
