he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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