Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
