Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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