don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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