We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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