This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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