I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
