My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize