I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
