She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
