if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
