Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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