11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
