I just cut my nipple shaving
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
