you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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