what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
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