All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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